I tried making birthday cupcakes and they were actually gross so the rest of the batter got flushed down the toilet.
Oops.
26 before 27.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the state of my life lately. With my birthday coming up, I know that there are a lot of things I would rather be doing or thinking or feeling or seeing. I feel that I know I can get stuck in ruts and subconciously end up taking everyone down with me, and I really need to grow up from that. Life isn’t about wishing you were doing something else. I could keep spending energy and time wishing I was doing something differently, or I could actively start DOING those things. Think of all the time and energy saved! That brings me to my list of 26 things to do before 27.
1) Create a blog about creative projects and update as much as I can.
2) Reduce debt by half.
3) Take a photography class and subsequently take more pictures!
4) Be more adventurous/ explore everything
5) Host a fancy dinner party
6) Road trips!
7) Write and record a solo EP
8) Tattoo?
9) Walk the Sulphur Mountain Trail
10) Achieve my goal weight
11) Learn how to cook more efficiently, more creatively and more cleanly.
12) See Mt. St. Helens
13) Print more photos and display them creatively.
14) learn more about photo/video/music editing
15) Begin saving for an electric piano
16) Be more conscious of how I spend money/material wealth and the correlation between percieved happiness and actual happiness.
17) READ A FANTASTIC BOOK …or two… or three….
18) Master sewing
19) Make an effort to appreciate those I love more, be less passive aggressive and be conscious of how I treat others.
20) Take pictures of myself in front of silly landmarks everywhere.
21) Document my life better – photos, journals, songs etc
22) Learn to walk in heels - Maybe even wear them once in a while??
23) One grand date a month with Ross.
24) Plan a trip (Iceland?)
25) Practice guitar more.
26) Do everything with intention. Move with intention, speak with intention… no more wasting energy for things that don’t matter to me or those I love.
It’s time to actuallydo more and stop wishing I was doing more.
I want to fall back in love with the world this year.
We celebrated a bit prematurely since he wasn’t going to be here for it…
But happy anniversary, love. It’s been 2 years and I can’t comprehend life without you in it and I’m so incredibly proud of who you are and what you do. Here’s to the next year. May it be full of adventure.
Apparently I’m really going through some shit right now.
It makes no sense, but it really sucks.
I’m really just not good at this sort of thing.
Nesting. Among other things.
I’m feeling incredibly domestic lately.
I’ve been sick and miserable the past two days - fatigued, tired, generally achy, sore and scratchy. I took some time off work today to just relax and get organized for the rest of the week so I can focus on sleeping.
I’ve been researching herbs, I figured since it’s may and the weather (however briefly this may be) seems to be looking up, I should be getting my plants into the ground. This has made me want a bigger area to grow things. Yeah, I never thought I’d feel this way either.
I’ve also been looking for furniture ideas. I’m considering making some sort of shelf for the bathroom. And maybe a book case for the living room. And maybe a headboard for a new bed. I don’t know. I’m dreaming big. I’m also bored and I rely too much for other people for entertainment and I need something to do while Ross is gone to Europe. And probably New York. And probably Hawaii.
Truth be told, the apartment scares me. If I’m supposedly going to be moving into this place that I can’t paint, or customize past putting my junk in it, then I need to find other ways to make it warm and inviting. Anyone who’s been in my spaces knows how I am regarding textures, colors and personality. I just can’t get down on the idea of this apartment staying how it is and it makes me a bit sad to move. I like my cozy cave of a room. I like the color, the lighting, the lack of sunlight. There are things I enjoy greatly about having my own customized space and despite others feel regarding things and objects making people happy, having things that remind me of my life and my loves and my friends makes me feel incredibly safe.
So if anyone knows any really cute DIY sites for apartments or non permanent things, let me know! I’m sure I’ll enjoy having even more stuff to overwhelm me into being busy.
it’s been a bit over a month and i think I’m ready to snap the hiatus so that my heart stops hurting and my head stops whurring and i can fall asleep without freaking out about how i’m going to be freaking out in the morning.
this is something that chocolate won’t fix.
neither will music.
geology documentaries?
thinking about places i’d rather be.
there isn’t enough room for patio furniture and it never gets as cold as i like it.
my heart is beating haphazardly and my ribs aren’t really trying to accommodate anything at the moment. it’s nothing but it’s always something. nothing, no don’t worry. yeah it’s fine. uh huh. ok. yeah. bye.
somethings gotta change because nothings gonna give but when 750 words runs an analysis on my ramblings it comes up backwards and wrong and you don’t know what i really feel and even though i said I I I I I I I I 325 times in my post it doesn’t mean i’m feeling affectionate. i could write about the storm clouds that get eaten by the sea waves and then i’d still be affectionate.
i don’t want to be.
i don’t want to be anything or anyone and i want to be anywhere but here for a while.
did i do something wrong? is that what all this is actually about? cosmic karma and other bullshit adding into piles of rambling words and feelings and that seasick motion whenever a breath gets taken/stolen.scrambled. who cares.
i have too much to do to feel this way and i have too much to figure out to stop giving a fuck and i just want to be anywhere but here for a while.
Better Son/Daughter.
And sometimes when you’re on… you’re really fucking on
and your friends they sing along and they love you.
but the lows are so extreme that the good seat’s fucking cheap
and it teases you for weeks in it’s absence.
but you’ll fight and you’ll make it through, you’ll fake it if you have to
and you’ll show up for work with a smile.
you’ll be better and you’ll be smarter
and more grown up and a better daughter or son and a real good friend.
you’ll be awake, you’ll be alert, you’ll be positive though it hurts
and you’ll laugh and embrace all your friends.
you’ll be a real good listener, you’ll be honest, you’ll be brave
you’ll be handsome and you’ll be beautiful,
you’ll be happy.
It’s a Rilo Kiley on repeat sort of night.
Here’s the problem: to say you hate Coldplay is to pretend that you’ve never heard them before. When they’re not doing a better U2 impression than U2 themselves, the band plays some seriously enchanted music. I tried to be a hater, but I can’t help having a heart.
“
| — | From this (via grahamwright) |
